I’m dropping the meds, well not dropping my medication totally just dropping the dosage.
When I was first diagnosed with depression the doctor put me on 30mg of Mirtazapine, an antidepressant with the added benefit of being a sleep aide. In addition to my feeling emotionally crappy I had also been having trouble sleeping consistently. Subsequent to that we raised it to 45 mg as I felt had stopped making progress, maybe I had even regressed a bit. In hindsight I wonder if any of it was true.
A number of months ago I lowered my dosage back to 30 mg and then some time after that down ever further to 15 mg. This was after I had left work, not retired officially but was in the process of burning all my vacation and banked time. I was feeling better and whether the decision was right or wrong I wanted to get off the “juice”. My wife questioned my decision.
A few days ago I reduced the dosage down even further to 1/2 of one of the 15 mg tablets, or 7 mg +or-. Only time and the stability of my disposition will tell whether that was prudent or not. And these changes are all without the doctors advice or knowledge. Again whether right or wrong I can’t say.
I still maintain my “depression” was more situational than psychological and upon further reading on a number of topics I also now wonder if emotional intensity is a factor. Certainly the symptoms jive with my mood swings and their intensity but more reading will be in order before I can definitively say.
I guess the bottom line, or where the rubber meets the road, is where I’m at emotionally, how my mental health progresses. That is what it’s all about isn’t it? In that regard I’ve been feeling quite good lately, maybe even very good. Hearing myself say those words scares me though, like I’m waiting for the other foot to fall. I’m expecting some imminent decline in my mood or mental health. I’m thinking the doldrums must be around the corner because this is too good to be true.
What is around the corner is winter and with it the shorter days and less sunlight. To compound the seasonal issues we live in a river valley at the confluence of two rivers. One of those is a bit warmer and the mixture of the two, combined with turbulence from the nearby dams makes for very foggy mornings. A double-whammy, seasonal change and weather fluctuations.
The lack of sunlight has been detrimental to me before and as a means to cope with it, to mitigate the dreary days, I was using a SAD light. This was after a doctor’s suggestion that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SADs). I saw significant improvement in my moods after eating my breakfast in front of the light. I was no longer as tired later in the day and my sweet tooth shrank to where a large bowl of ice cream at 9 pm was no longer a requirement. On the whole I felt much better.
I haven’t used the SAD light in a couple years now. Instead I now take a fish-oil supplement, an Omega 3 capsule, and have begun increasing my intake of vitamin D. Both these changes seem to have helped me and the last time I tried the light I didn’t feel as much of an improvement.
Of course I am maintaining the supplement regime, I sleep better, my diet’s improved, and I’m putting concerted effort into improving my exercise schedule. All these are good things and I’m “hoping” they are enough to keep me well. I know “hope is not a plan” however I’m optimistic my new meds regime won’t backfire.
Wish me luck, please.