“Don’t Judge Me!” she said

Now there’s a statement, “Don’t Judge Me”, and perhaps no truer statement has ever been made. My wife hit me with that a while ago. At this time I don’t really remember why, some comment I made regarding her actions I think.

I don’t believe I meant to judge her, and it’s not that I want to be judgmental, I don’t think it’s desirable nor a positive characteristic to have. It just is what it is. It’s who I am at this point in time and I will continue to try and change it. I don’t like that trait in myself, in fact I HATE it!

Perhaps I should join JA, Judgers Anonymous. Hello all, my name is Dwayne and I’m a Judger.

I’ve been this way, or at least recognized it, for a number of years now. It’s been much longer than the time I’ve been in counseling, perhaps the first time I even acknowledged it was in a management course I took a number of years ago. You know, one of those sessions where you talk to your table mate and tell them something personal about yourself. When I told my partner in the exercise she shrank away like I had tumors on my face or something.

Was it really that bad a thing to admit? I can think of far worse things to take ownership of, trust me.

This particular negative characteristic manifests itself in me mostly when I see someone different. For what ever reason it affects me the most when observing those people young or old with ‘hippie’ like characteristics, such as in clothes or hair style (dreadlocks etc). Generally dirty and unkempt looking. Unfortunately many street people and other disadvantage folk fall into this category as well.

My first instinct is assume they are a certain type of person. Surely they must be ……, I don’t know, pick your adjective. But of course they are not those negative things, that’s my prejudice coming out. Did I tell you I HATE that about myself??

I rationalize it by saying “I know they really aren’t like that” but somehow that doesn’t cut it. To feel like that at all is not a good thing. But that statement is also true, I do know that isn’t WHO they are, it’s only a personification of them. It’s an outside view of them, not a picture of who they are on the inside.

Many of us do this all the time though, it’s not only me. It could be the judgement of other races/colours, other nationalities or sexes, or those of the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender) community. Some of us are even judgmental toward Political parties, can you believe it? LOL.

Whatever your thoughts are toward any of these groups it behooves us to treat them all with the same respect and love that we would toward our best friends or loved ones. It’s the way it’s supposed to be, “Love one another”. To be judgmental, to hate or spurn others (I believe for any reason) is not ‘the way‘.

Be sure you can have your opinion, we all do. After all opinions are like assholes, everyone has one (most of us anyway). It’s when we begin to ACT on those prejudices that we truly become ‘assholes’.

At any rate I digress, we are supposed to be talking about me here (joke), and my being judgmental. I will continue to work on my ‘issue’ and accept EVERYONE, because I think to do any less would make me less of a person. It’s not the way I was raised and it is not the way I raised my kids. From them I can learn a lot.


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