“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts.”
– Penelope Sweet
My name is Dwayne and I’m just working my way through a period of depression. How much of the quote above relates to my depression we’ll have to see.
This blog, my first, was initially created as a means to privately journal my thoughts and feelings during my passage through this illness. I also keep a paper journal. My counselor, I’ll call her Gloria, felt that while a paper journal is a good method for tracking my thoughts it’s the blog that might provide some interest, and maybe perspective, to others. I hope that is the case. For that purpose, and my own ego (of course), I opened it up to others.
Unfortunately a few of my early posts were full of angst and pointedly commenting on or criticizing (read that negatively) others actions and my perception of them. In retrospect I am not proud of those early comments and thoughts but they ‘were what they were’, and they displayed how I felt at the time. Being as one of the purposes of this blog is to maintain a journal I have kept those posts to show from whence I’ve come, but I’ve made them ‘private’, for my use only.
I don’t profess to have any answers, I’m learning as I go both on the depression and the blogging fronts. I like to learn. I will attempt to blog frequently and to be honest about how I feel, but not so honest as to be disrespectful toward others. I will also attempt to interject some humour, maybe some insights, and always try to be real.
What I do have is many interests (too many) and I may go through periods of talking about nothing but. They include my kids, grandkids, cars, photography, gardening, and who knows what else. Give me time and I’ll come up with more. At times my emotion toward something may take on an evangelical zeal, certainly I occasionally feel things intensely.
My counselor felt the multiple interests and unquenchable curiosity is the gifted streak coming out in me, the obscure side of my personality I’ve yet to come to know or develop. In many ways I find myself denying my ability, or at the very least discounting it. I want to change that. I want to learn more about myself.
When this blog was first created the story on the “About Me” page was more …. more something, I don’t know the words but over time I came to be unhappy with it, and like myself I thought change must occur. I’ve moved it here if the desire to see it ever arose.
So that’s kind of me in a nutshell. Maybe ‘nut’ is a good description???
I would truly appreciate any feedback!