Moods, Good bad or Indifferent

I’ve been pulled back in, or at least the attempt is being made, and it’s the tug of the blog and not clutching of a tired swimmer struggling to survive. The last week or so has been hard, and not sense that my days have been full of onerous tasks. There has been some of that but moreso I had lost my drive to journal, to write my thoughts and to verbalized my fears. In short my mood toward writing, and other things, sucked.

Today had to be the day, I told myself, the point where “damn the torpedoes” I have to pen something.  It helps that another book I’ve taken up reading, called ” the Right to Write”, is describing that very situation. I’ve mentioned this book before, it happens to be the one that “jumped off the shelf” at me, figuratively not literally.  That really would have been cool, wouldn’t it.  The current paragraph describes how we just have to begin, we need only to promise ourselves that we will write for 5 minutes, only 1 paragraph, and the act of starting to write will unleash the torrents of words that are held within us.  Seems to have worked so far.  That part of my mood has lifted somewhat, like the curtains parting on a new play.

I don’t know what my problem has been, although my mind is full of speculation. The ideas of why, the reasons and/or excuses are in plentiful supply. to separate the wheat from the chaff is the challenge.

Certainly the issues with my Dad are ongoing.  The current situation is generally revolving around his scooter, and the lack of battery life.  He cannot go far without the scooter power dropping significantly and he is concerned (rightly so I must admit) of becoming stranded somewhere.  You think that’d be an easy one to fix, and it should be, but in a town with only one scooter supply store and a technician that “seems” to be run off his feet it has become a bit of a cluster f***.  Still no repair done, and the weather is great now where a spin outside would still be ok.  Soon, very soon, that will not be the case and he will be house bound, like a trapped animal, looking out from their cage wanting to be free.

Could also be my retirement plans, or strong desire for them to come to fruition.  I yearn to retire, I also feel like the trapped animal.  I’m fortunate that I can exit my cage but I am still held on a too-short leash. It’s only fear and common sense that are holding me back, fear of taking that step and common sense telling me I can’t afford it.

The passing of Andy Rooney, of the television show “60 Minutes” fame, has made me think as well.  Here’s a man who has made his passion his life , the art of crafting words.  He was described as a curmudgeon among other things, due in part to his talent for saying it like it was.  He pulled no punches and said what he thought.  His knack was also saying what many of us felt inside but were either afraid to say or unable to articulate.

So perhaps Mood can be a good thing after all, something that can drive us to say what needs to be said, if only for ourselves.  I do feel better.

The Right to Write

I just picked up a book, maybe it picked me up I’m not sure.  It’s called “The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life”, written by Julia Cameron. I came across it in the book store while looking through the Psychology section for another book, read a few passages within it and it spoke to me.  It said “Buy me”.  Ok, of course the book didn’t really speak, but the content did.  I wasn’t really looking for a book like this, this being a book talking about “why” we should write, not how.  I was looking for one on other, more personal matters, depression and giftedness.

I was also looking for a book on Blogging, and quickly realized that what I needed to learn in that regard wouldn’t necessarily be learned from a book.  I can use some inspiration on the motivation of writing however, I’ll often have blank days, writers block, or the sometimes the ideas will flow but I don’t have a medium at hand to record them.  I try to jot the thoughts into my phone, and that mostly works, but later when I look at my notes I don’t necessarily have the same passion, the same drive to write, it seems I’ve lost the momentum.

She says in her book “For me, writing is like a good pair of pajamas – comfortable”, I think that says a lot, the writing should feel “right”, not forced and not necessarily always in perfect form or structure, although that is certainly preferable.  The point is to speak/write from the heart, pour your soul into it.  I’m trying.

Do I have the Guts to Write a book?

I’ve mentioned to a few people the concept of a book (or blog I guess) documenting the steps I’ve taken to get Dad moved, and the emotions I’ve felt along the way.  That could include the reactions and thoughts of those around me as well I guess, the whole nine yards.  All those who’ve been told have supported me completely, “You should” they say, “That’s a great idea” they come back with.  That almost scares me as much as the task itself.

I must admit the task is daunting and as always it would only be my fear that would hold me back.  As the illustration shows I feel overwhelmed by the “pen”, the act of writing and putting myself out there. I’ve been in similar circumstances before and generally speaking have failed to complete each time.  That is not a good record to maintain, not anything to aspire to and certainly not something I am proud of.  If I don’t get that out there though, my shortcomings in following through, it will always remain just as it has with no hope of change, or little chance of improvement at best.  Only by talking about it and bringing it to the fore do I have a hope of accomplishing any goal I’ve set out to achieve.

If I can maintain this blog however and perhaps broaden it’s scope to include some (or all) of the saga of Dads care then I am moving toward my goal or desire to write.  Perhaps a separate page, maybe a new blog altogether, either of those may help me in completing my task.  On the other hand I’ve been known to overcomplicate things as well, so the KISS principle may apply here.  Regardless, keep writing is the key.

Interesting book – “The Gifted Adult”

I bought a good book while in Toronto a week or so ago. It’s called “The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius”. I say good because I think it will answer many of the questions I have, give me some new questions, and provide with food for thought. I hope I can pass on some of what I expect to learn.

Fruitful day

I had a successful day yesterday, did some financial planning (always looking to retire you know), visited a local home care facility to see if it meets Dads needs, got my glasses fixed, and best of all sat out in my front yard in the shade reading a book and chillin’ with a beer.  Nice!  Even looked at a truck, a pretty thing all blinged out and looking for a new owner.  Unfortunately it is not going to be me.

The book I’m reading is on Procrastination, I’ve mentioned it before.  I am trying to take notes on it, writing them down on paper so I can transcribe them into here without breaking my train of thought.  Before this I was putting the book down and entering tidbits into the blog so I wouldn’t forget them but that is cumbersome and it’s harder for me to focus on the book.  I am proud of myself though, I was able to focus more and I feel better about my goals.

Procrastination Book

The book I’m currently reading is called “Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now”.

A few things in it that I see apply to me are “Mediocrity Builds Contempt”, “Excellence without Effort”, “There is a Right Way” to some degree “I Can’t Stand to Lose” and “All or Nothing”.

I will elaborate more later.