So much Activity, So much Noise

Although I’m looking forward to camping and seeing family this summer I hope the hubbub doesn’t get to me, and there’s a good chance that at some point it will.  The activity and noise will wear on me and I’ll likely withdraw somewhat and retreat to my safe place.

I’m a very private person, some would say reclusive and others may think snobbish or stuck up.  I don’t think I’m either of the latter, I just don’t mind my own company and I’m easily overwhelmed by activity, especially if I feel as if I’m thrust into it.  It’s just the kind of person I am and that has to be ok.  I’ve heard it described as gifted, or over-excitable but whatever the reason the intensity of a group interaction is often stressful, sometimes very much so.

Camping in Pioneer Park

My wife has grown to accept this characteristic of mine and when we family camp we always take our own site rather than sharing a double site or trying to squeeze, with others, into a single.  Frequently we’ll take some private time camping before or after the family camping so we can re-connect and share alone-time together.

I need my space and am much happier when left to read or otherwise bond with myself.  I can write or journal, putter on something like my bike, the trailer or truck, or just have a beer and chill.  It’s the closest thing I can find to Nirvana and I’m perfectly happy being left to my own devices.

The rest of the family also appears to accept it and although I’m not sure how my alone-time is explained to my nieces and nephews it is still respected.  “Uncle” (me) is still asked if he wants to go on bike rides or walks and I will frequently accept.  I still love my family and cherish our relationships.  It just has to be in smaller doses than it may be with other families.

So despite the activity and noise I will adapt, I will enjoy the camping and family time holding to the thought that they won’t always be with us.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that life is short, and fickle.  Enjoy the moments while you can.

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Ever feel like an Extra Terrestrial?

Every so often I have a moment, an period in time, where all around me is surreal, and no it’s not drugs. Some highly spiced food perhaps but no drugs.

I just don’t seem to connect with many people and find some of the conversations uninteresting and the topics mundane.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they are beneath me or not worthy of my time, because in a lot of cases I have no idea what they are talking about and really have no interest in learning.  Could be anything from why we should/should not send troops into some remote country to oust the leader or who had the most runs/goals in the game last night.  Sometimes I wish I knew more so I could fit in but much of the time I just nod and smile, and look like an idiot.  What frustrates me I think is that I know I’m smarter than that, after all I’m supposed to be “gifted” and intelligent, right?

On the upside of the topic I know now that this is not abnormal, not unusual, nor uncommon.  The way we think and the manner in which our brains process information, our interests, are a few the factors that can influence this.  Certainly there are many, many gifted individuals who can and do converse on almost any topic, and I would love to be like one of them.  I’m not though, so my goal is to love myself as is, accept myself like I am, and be the best “I” can be.  Work with me on that willya?

An AHa moment, I think…

I’m further along now in “The Gifted Adult”, currently reading about how we need to acknowledge our gifts.  It’s so interesting to me that denying abilities and other characteristics is a common trait amongst the gifted, that it’s somehow abnormal, or that we are anomalies of some kind, and not in a good way.

And that leads to the fact that I may acknowledge being gifted here in this venue but am not likely to say it too loud outside this “room”.

I also think it’s too early  to apply whatever talents I may have in one direction ie the organization I work in, or at least in what I’m currently doing within that company. And sad to say I don’t trust anyone enough here to talk to them about it.  As I read more on this topic that perspective becomes more reinforced, I’m still a newbie at performing in this role, a novice, a greenhorn or rookie.

Perhaps after I have a better idea of who I am and what I can/should do will I bust forth.  Patience my son, Patience.

Patience my son, patience

I’m recognizing my impatience in a number of circumstances lately and I need to determine if it is the particular circumstances and/or person involved, or is it me over-reacting to the situation?  I will need to do some real soul searching.  Mostly this seems to occur with my wife, and I certainly don’t want to beat her up, because I think that kind of reaction is what contributed to this in the first place.  I think even she would agree she had some esteem issues, and my commenting or trying to fix whatever is causing me frustration will likely not make it any better.

In this particular case we went for a bike ride, supposedly a relaxing event.  She was all keyed up with some work issues and frequently commented on how stressed she was, and how riding the bike was stressful (she relates it to a previous motorcycle accident we had), and how the bumpy dirt road caused her stress, etc..  It just was a bit overkill in my miind, but I said nothing and tried to be supportive.  I don’t know if I did that part well, or if she noticed. Of course all this happens when we are trying to get ready for camping too, which we (hopefully) leave for tonight.

So the bottom line is whether I can help her in any way, without feeding her anxiety.  Can I deter her from being as dramatic?  Is it just me.

I do know that one of the characteristics of Xi or giftedness is an impatience with others, I certainly am seeing that.

Gifted for Life website

I’ve been frequently going to the Gifted For Life site and posting there.  There I feel like I am of a somewhat like mind to other posters, we seem to be cognizant of some of the same characteristics in each of us.  I wish I had an “in person” acquaintance or friend I could talk to in the same way.  It is often a lonely place being different.  One of the other posters on that site said she felt “alien”, that’s a pretty good description I think.

Don’t feel good

So here’s the problem, I made quick notes (hence the title) and now a couple days later I can’t remember what I meant. Obviously I didn’t feel good at the time and I think it was relating to to familial strife, mother and daughter. I really feel the stress when they are fighting and always feel as if I’m in the middle. It is somewhat resolved, but maybe resolved is too strong a word, maybe abated is better. I wish it would go away, I don’t deal with stress well, particularly when it comes to this.  I’ve lost a son and have lost a relationship with one daughter, I don’t want to lose any more children.

Another thing I’ve learned through some reading lately is about 2E or Xi. 2E stands for twice exceptional and Xi for Xtra intelligence. Both relate to giftedness and I believe are meant to be alternate descriptions.  There are quite a few web documents on the subject, I first learned about them by reading various articles on a website called SENG: Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted http://www.sengifted.org/ .  There’s also a link in my sidebar.  Lots of interesting stuff.

I’m also posting on another gifted site called “Gifted For Life” http://giftedforlife.com/, there is a link to this as well in the sidebar.  It feels good to conversing with people of similar experiences, and I’m learning to which is good, and hopefully building some confidence in this area.

Procrastination – Gifted characteristics

Seems like procrastination and Giftedness have some overlapping characteristics. One trait that is common would be taking on too many, or too big, a project or goal. I certainly do that, I can have 3 or more books going or many projects started, going great guns but seldom finishing any before moving on, to something more important or interesting. Right this moment is an perfect example, I’m reading a book on procrastination and laying it down mid-page to blog. Dumb.

It’s a combination of attention span, self control, and a desire to get an idea to paper (blog) while I think of it.  My Iphone is handy for that, I can jot a note or couple comments to my blog and then go back to the book.  I guess I could do it on paper too, maybe a sticky note or something.  That’d be less intrusive and distracting.  Hmmm.  The overlap with my version of giftedness would be the (sometimes) poor focus.  Also having multiple things on the go.