We picked up Dad for dinner on Saturday past, and this week we thought we’d try something different and take both Mom and Dad out for dinner at the same time. They have been divorced 30 something years now but have always been able to maintain an amicable relationship, which has been a blessing for us and our family for sure. Since Larry passed away this past March (Moms husband after my dad) we have still tried to keep up our weekly (at least) dinners or lunches with Mom, even though she lives in the basement and we may bump into to her more frequently. The sharing of meals just gives us a chance to spend a bit more time with her, something we won’t have forever of course. She also doesn’t seem to mind being with or around Dad and thanked us sincerely for asking her along.
We went into Trail for Chinese food, it is one of those meals that we don’t seem to have too often, and everyone seems to enjoy it when we do. We got a large round table, probably big enough for 8, and being only 4 of us we had ample elbow room. I dished up Dads first, from the buffet, I thought he was the most likely one to complain if he wasn’t happy. I also got the buffet, but only after serving him his WonTon soup, and also waiting for Mom and Mo to receive their combination dinners. We all ate with a relish.
Unfortunately the comments didn’t come just from Dad, in fact I don’t recall him really complaining at all except tor some of the buffet food being cold and his meatballs were too spicey. Not at all?? I guess his complaints didn’t seem to be too significant, or I was too aware of my Moms concerns when her prawns came out with sweet and sour sauce on them, or Mo’s comments that her stomach was upset after dinner, or that the waitress just scraped our leftovers indiscriminately into containers after supper. It garnered a “tsk, tsk”, and a comment “I just won’t eat them now”. It seemed maybe Dad was the quietest of the bunch. It just made me not want to go out to dinner again…..
Mo and I had lunch with my Mom yesterday, Sunday being the day we typically try to get together with her, and both Larry and her before that. She does live in the basement, one of the original “children under the stairs”, but she has her space and we have ours so it’s not always that we see her, or get a chance to catch up. Unfortunately she is now the only “child under the stairs”, my stepfather having passed away in March. I guess she’d not a child either but somehow the whole “under the stairs” thing was designated and has since stuck.
We asked her how her visit was with Dad earlier in the week. The week prior she had actually offered to take him to lunch as she was going to be in Trail anyway and thought it would be nice. Even though their marriage has been over for almost 30 years they are still civil and Mom has offered a number of times to help with Dad in any way she can. Unfortunately that may be coming to an end.
It seems that Dad was not the most optimistic and upbeat lunch companion that we thought he might be. Allegedly he complained about most of the food and even told the waitress he thought it was terrible. Mom was embarrassed and as she said “very depressed” when she left. “I won’t do that again” she said. I can only hope she means she just won’t take him to lunch again.
He’s not always the most chipper guy when we’ve gone out but I don’t recall him being that vocal nor obviously unhappy with the meal. It’s possible it was that bad, likely not though, and it’s possible it was more that he reacted that way in a restaurant that Mom and Larry favoured. Unfortunately my inside voice said “Oh no, how I have to deal with him all alone again”. I mentioned that I felt that way to Mo, about having to deal with him alone, and she said “We” will have to deal with him, not just me. It’s yet to be seen. Makes me sad.
We took Dad out for dinner last night, we being Me, Mo, my Mom (Dad’s ex), and of course Dad. I called him in advance to see if he was free and he was very “befuddled” on the phone. And that’s his exact word, “befuddled”. When I queried him on what he was getting at he asked me to help him find something out, specifically what happened to the house? To make a long story short he was wanting to know how we moved him out of his house (not sure which one even now) and why he didn’t see any papers or have to sign anything. He wondered what happened to all his things such as tools etc.. I tried to calm him and promised we could talk about it when we picked him up.
I was a bit distracted after that and thought about what may have been happening to him as we drove into Trail. It bothered me, made me sad, and talking about it to Mo and Mom didn’t really help. I think Mom still bears him some grudge after all these years, even though it’s not overt or malicious. She seems to have little patience for his condition and that bothers me on some level as well.
At any rate we arrived at his place and picked him up from his room, he was still a bit addled and shakey, but we collected his things and took him out to the car. On the way he began to weep silently, saying he didn’t know if he’d be here (there) tomorrow, inferring he may die that night. I think between his realization his memory was going and his loss of identity at the moment he became overwhelmingly sad and his grief came through.
Dinner went well for the most part and his mood improved. He was still at a bit of a loss regarding the move from the house but that occured over 25 years ago and even I couldn’t remember how it went down. We took him back to his place after and Mo took him up. On the way out she discussed it with the on-call nurse and they would check on him later to see how he fared.
I called him this morning and he still seemed to be a bit at a loss but much better on the whole. This is likely just the beginning of the end. It hurts my heart but I guess it’s just life, sad but true!
Well the weekend flew by and although I did get some things done I neither blogged nor wrote in my journal. It’s interesting that when listening to the radio yesterday they were interviewing a female singer who commented about writing and journalling. She was speaking mostly in regards to writing music or poetry but she did say any type of writing was important to keep the mental juices flowing. I do enjoy the writing and blogging but would like to know that I’m doing something other than just putting words on paper (or blog), that I or someone else is benefitting from it.
I do know that the act of journalling is helpful, and other things I’m doing like reading or even playing Spider Solitaire are keeping my mental acuity sharp as a knife. Ya right. They do actually help keep my mind stimulated and I do believe I am seeing improvement in memory and motivation, something that was/is sadly lacking. Improvement can always be made though, and procrastinating less is also showing promise.
Mom has finished her 2nd book and is waiting for the illustrations to be completed. I don’t recall if I’ve commented much on them but she’s told her publisher she will do 5 books in total. Her first, on poetry, the second a childrens book, the third an autobiography, four and five I’m not sure. Writing must run in the family.
I’m off to see Gloria tonight, my visits are now about a month apart. I do miss the chats and where I often have to remind her about things that are happening in my life, and my family and people in it, she is very helpful and most often I come away with AHA moments. I will likely talk to her about Mo and Ay again in hopes she has another nugget on ways I can handle any “miscommunications” they have.
Yesterday was a super day, felt good all day and got a bunch done. If only I could feel like that more consistently, not swing between full of energy and drive and then relapsing to little or no energy. That was my typical modus operandi bm (before meds), zippy one day and blah the next. I’d far rather prefer being on a more even keel.
So I got up in the morning, had a nice breakfast, sat on the deck and read a little, what a nice way to start the day. Spent the late morning doing a bit of garage organizing and then washed and vacuumed Mo’s car. After that, and I was beat by then being out in the sun, I checked out the fifth wheel hitch to see how it’d fit in the new truck. Looks like it should be good.
Went for dinner with Mom, Mo, and some family, all for Mo’s birthday which was Saturday, That was where the only real stress came out. Why the sisters need to talk about each other I don’t know, maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. P had come for dinner with us but had left just after we were done. She wasn’t 2 minutes out the door and Mo and F had to start yacking about her. Gossip put’s me off plain and simple. I seriously think they have some issues that need resolving.
So I went to bed around 10:30 and dropped right off. Unfortunately I awoke at 3:15 and again at 4ish, it was then I remembered I forgot to take my meds the night before. I seem to be doing that more frequently lately, is it a sign I’m getting better and my bodies telling me I should wean myself? Or am I just more forgetful? Either way I wonder if that was what disrupted my sleep?