I braved the din again today, marched along the highway against the onslaught of rushing traffic. I guess you could say I was walking into traffic, as opposed to walking into the path of oncoming traffic, a distinct difference.
Unfortunately it was like most other walk days, there is a section of my stroll where I cannot avoid the main street, where my walk parallels the road and I’m constantly inundated with the sounds associated with large volumes of traffic. Inundated is maybe not the right word, perhaps accosted is, or assaulted. The bottom line is that I can only minimize it, I cannot remove or prevent it.
I occasionally wear earphones and listen to music on my iPhone but often that just adds to the overall experience of overwhelmededness (catchy new word) and that’s precisely what I’m trying to avoid. Consequently I walk down backstreets as long as possible until I have no choice and I must then re-connect with the main road.
I enjoy the walk nonetheless. The fresh air (apart from air pollution of course) is invigorating. The exercise is necessary and is critical to my longevity and anticipated weight loss. I’ve lost a few pounds already and hopefully the trend will continue over the winter. I want to be optimistic but I’m also a realist and know that winter brings the yuck that de-inpires me (another new word) to get out and about.
On a portion of my morning walk I can hike down a dirt path that parallels the train tracks. The well used route meanders through the trees and shrubbery and on mornings like today the sun was just beginning to filter through the trees. There is no canopy so the sun reflects of any greenery or plants still with colour. It caught my eye again this morning and made me appreciate life. I’m grateful for my capacity to see the beauty around me and I must acknowledge my gratitude more often.
At any rate there was no traffic here, aside from a couple other pedestrians and the odd dog. I was concerned about running into a bear though, they have been seen here and there was lots of sign. Multiple piles of scat were visible but I’m hoping they’ve all gone to bed by now, or are searching somewhere other than near this path. I know “hope is not a plan”, and my wife would certainly appreciate my not getting mauled, but it’s got to be better than walking into traffic.
Another home project will be underway soon, that being our sundeck recover. The existing vinyl coating has been in place about 18 years now and it’s tired, old and tired like me. It’s not so bad though, I don’t have as many cuts as it does nor do I have so many people walking all over me.
The facelift will begin tomorrow morning, bright and early if the contractor is good to his word. It’s not like I’m looking forward to beginning my day at the crack ass of dawn but in order to beat the heat that’s the best time. I don’t expect to do much of the work other than hauling away the debris and then reinstalling the handrails and siding once he’s done.
I had to remove the rails and siding as part of the contract and while they were relatively easy to take off I’m not sure how easy they’ll be to get back on. I’m sure I’ll figure it out, I generally do.
I’d really like to replace some of the siding with a manufactured stone product but I’ve already got sooo many projects started that to begin another one would be dumb. My propensity for ADD behavior, like jumping from task to task, gets me into deep doo doo and only causes me to become more stressed and overwhelmed. I just caulk the symptoms up to being bored easily but that excuse only holds water for a short time and then both my wife and I have to acknowledge there are other, deeper, personality characteristics at play.
I’m looking forward to having this part done at least. The ultimate objective is have the house made as “updated” as can reasonably be expected, as salable as possible so that when we reach the point in our lives when we are ready to move to the next step the sale of the house won’t be a deal breaker. To that end we’ve had the roof done and are contemplating other upgrades as well. Those may or may not be discussed in future posts.
In the meantime I’ll relish the completion of this project and look forward to sitting out there again, next time surrounded by my plants. At that time the only “hauling” I plan to do will include a cold beer. I’ll have one for you too.
I’ve mentioned to a few people the concept of a book (or blog I guess) documenting the steps I’ve taken to get Dad moved, and the emotions I’ve felt along the way. That could include the reactions and thoughts of those around me as well I guess, the whole nine yards. All those who’ve been told have supported me completely, “You should” they say, “That’s a great idea” they come back with. That almost scares me as much as the task itself.
I must admit the task is daunting and as always it would only be my fear that would hold me back. As the illustration shows I feel overwhelmed by the “pen”, the act of writing and putting myself out there. I’ve been in similar circumstances before and generally speaking have failed to complete each time. That is not a good record to maintain, not anything to aspire to and certainly not something I am proud of. If I don’t get that out there though, my shortcomings in following through, it will always remain just as it has with no hope of change, or little chance of improvement at best. Only by talking about it and bringing it to the fore do I have a hope of accomplishing any goal I’ve set out to achieve.
If I can maintain this blog however and perhaps broaden it’s scope to include some (or all) of the saga of Dads care then I am moving toward my goal or desire to write. Perhaps a separate page, maybe a new blog altogether, either of those may help me in completing my task. On the other hand I’ve been known to overcomplicate things as well, so the KISS principle may apply here. Regardless, keep writing is the key.
Some good news came through this morning, my dad’s assessment was completed and he’s been identified as needing more permanent assistance, ie placement in an assisted living facility. That itself is not the good news, of course we (he and us) would prefer he be as independent as possible however his mental capacity and physical capability has diminished lately and more care is required. That the assessment was completed is the good news. Now we wait.
For me it’s a weight off, I was becoming overwhelmed with the process and my personal mental care was/is suffering. I am trying to remain positive, to relearn some emotional skills, understand myself and improve. Perhaps this was a test. Did I pass?
So Mo is very overwhelmed today, she has a new/additional job and it is causing her a lot of stress, and her learning curve is very steep. She has asked me for some help on the computer and I have offered suggestions however she is so stressed she is having a hard time hearing me. Yes, it’s true that the way I am communicating is possibly not effective, or it is too much information in a short period of time. It is also frustrating for me.
I find this occurs frequently and although it’s been said to me many times that I should be a teacher I often feel a similar frustration in trying to maintain my patience when teaching things to people. I’m sure it’s a problem primarily when trying to explain something to family, and worse the closer they are. I just wish I knew why.